{ Monthly Archives }
May 2009
Little Ladybug
It was a week and a half, maybe two weeks ago that I saw the strange, furry, little larva climbing up the outside of my back door. It soon turned into an equally strange-looking pupa, resting in the middle of one of one of the panes of glass in the door. It looked bizarre, but oddly still ladybug-like.
It wasn’t so much of a surprise, then, that one day a ladybug finally emerged from that pupa, looking not-completely bright red with spots not-completely black. Days passed, it inching away from it’s pupa, turning brighter, deeper red with much darker spots along its back. It was done, then, I thought, and soon it would fly off and
But it stayed; it didn’t do much else besides inch its way upwards from its abandoned shell, imperceptibly, so each day it just seemed to have moved a little more, but it didn’t move within my sight.
Being a bit drunk one night, having come in through the back door and seen it still sitting there in the middle of one of the glass panels, I gave it a brief lecture on how this wasn’t going to result in anything for its life, if it cautiously and slowly made its way out into the world like it was. It needed to take flight, take chances, explore, eat, have sex, and get killed. Cautiously moving along that trajectory in slow motion wouldn’t save it anything, things would be over just as fast if not faster, with desperately little being accomplished.
This was advice I was giving myself, at the same moment.
It’s made its way to the very top corner of the door frame, but hasn’t moved much at all in a few days. I don’t think it will make it very far, but I will not meet the same fate.
Impulse
It’s more than a little troubling how male thoughts and feelings — like jealousy, in this case — can so badly damage things that are wonderful and good.
I’m still exploring where strength lies, and what potential I have and what I can do with it. I hope that overcoming this kind of thing is in that purview.
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